In The Name of Being Honest
by Olive Tree Hugger
Summary: Sometimes you just have to let it out. /Fiolee/Rated for dirty mouths/


_**In the Name of Being Honest**_

**This is a story I wanted to write because I've been feeling a bit angry lately. Stressed, too. I've had the urge to yell and swear at everything in front of me. Since I can't do that, I decided to make fictional characters make fun of each other. Oh, the humanity.**

* * *

"Equilateral, mathematical, algebraic, obtuse shit!"

Marshall Lee poked his head through the door way, smirking at the blonde on the floor. She had her hair fisted in a ball, her signature pink sword on the floorboards beside her.

"Math, Fionna, since when did you get such a dirty mouth?" He asked in a comical tone, biting back a chuckle.

Fionna snapped her head back to look at him. Marshall Lee actually belted out a laugh. She had bags under her eyes and a nasty sneer where her usual smile was. Her luscious blond hair, though mostly hidden under her white bunny hat, was frizzy and full of split ends. She looked _terrible. _

"Screw you, Marshall Lee," she spat. She grunted as she sat up slowly, reaching for her pink sword.

The vampire zoomed into the room in a blur of black, red, and white, grabbing the weapon before Fionna could. He swept it into his arms and floated through the room, waving it around and examining it with a face of disdain and fascination.

The adventuress shouted, "Hey! Give it back!" She started to run about the tree house after him, reaching up for his plaid shirt, screeching and pleading for him to give it back.

The demon-vampire stuck his pale tongue out at her and held the weapon out in front of him, tracing the sharp edge with a finger.

"Why are you obsessing over this little knife, anyways?" He asked.

Fionna jumped up, trying to knock the man over, but ended up falling over. Another cruel cackle from Marshall Lee made her scream, "It's a SWORD, you donkus! Gumball gave it to me!"

The vampire froze for fraction of a second, but recovered quickly. "That _gum wad?"_ He held out the sword again, studying it intensely. "It's _pink_."

"So what?" Fionna asked accusingly.

Marshall Lee pursed his lips, replying, "A big bad adventuress with a pink knife? Ooh, scary!"

Fionna could easily pick up the sarcasm and condescending tone of his voice. She groaned and retorted snidely, "At least I don't fly away like a coward when I'm insulted!"

As soon as she said the word 'coward', he transformed in a crackle of black magic into his enormous bat form, dropping her sword on the ground with a clatter. Fionna shook with fear as his layered voice caused tremors throughout the house.

"Coward?!" He roared.

Fionna swallowed her fear and put on a brave face. "You heard me," she snipped, "You hide away in the shadows all the time! Are you afraid people are going to see through your bull crap?"

Marshall Lee bared his yellow fangs, making Fionna's heart pound, but he melted into his humanoid form and floated to the ground, his sneakers just barely touching the floorboards. He snorted, "At least I don't put up a front about how tough I am," he jabbed her right in the breast, "when I'm a scared little girl who's got a ridiculous fear of vampires."

"I am not afraid of vampires!" The blonde yelled back. "We hang out all the time!"

A dry laugh. "Because your only other friends are a cat, a prissy pink prince, and a fire ball. Someone's got to keep you company."

Fionna groaned, "You're a jerk face."

"Ooh, that stings," Marshall Lee whined sarcastically, pressing a pale hand against his chest. "My heart, she burns!"

"Your heart doesn't even work anymore!" Fionna retorted. "I mean, come one, what kind of weirdo are you?"

The vampire crossed his arms over his chest. "What?"

The blonde exasperatedly thrust a hand out at him, screeching, "You're weird! All your demony-vampire-ness is fucking crazy!"

Marshall Lee threw his head back, his black hair whipping back with him as he yelped, "Ha! At least I'm not the only human left!"

Fionna snapped a finger in his face, retorting, "Demon-vampire? You're either one or the other, Marsh. At least my DNA isn't fucked up."

"That's what makes me so damn cool, Fi," said demon-vampire replied venomously, "I can be whatever the hell I want. You're the last of your kind, so you've got to act all tough and strong to stay alive."

"Survival of the fittest!"

"Savagery is what we in the Night-o-sphere call it."

"At least my hair cut matches my gender!" Fionna pointed at his hair. It went down to his pointed ears, black and shaggy and quite long for a male in Aaa.

Marshall Lee looked up, as though trying to see what his cranium looked like at that moment, before running his slender fingers through the locks and replying slyly, "At least my hair looks _good_."

Fionna gasped. She may be have been a tomboy, and not very hygienic, but she would not tolerate an insult coming from girly-haired Marshall.

"You sound a lot like that prissy pink prince you seem to hate some much. I'm sure he'd be flattered," she jabbed, fluttering her lashes dreamily.

Marshall Lee flushed at the insinuation. He planted his feet firmly on the ground and crossed the floor quickly, cupping one of Fionna's breasts in a cold hand. "I like girls, Fi," he said, his black eyes turning red for a minute.

The human jerked herself away from him, crossing her arms over her breasts, leaning over in sheer humiliation from the groping. "You pervert! No wonder no one will put up with you!"

Marshall Lee winked at her, his tongue poking through between his sharp fangs.

"At least I get dates."

Fionna blushed, narrowing her eyes at him. "Screw you!"

"I'm flattered, Fi," Marshall Lee laughed.

Another, redder blush. "Your hips take up, like, half of your width! What kinda man are you?"

The demon-vampire glared at her. "Your eyes are little black dots. How the _fuck_ are they qualified as blue?"

"Girly hair!" She shouted.

"No teeth!" He retorted.

"Small feet!"

"Fat butt!"

"Green skin!"

"Ill-fitted clothes!"

"Elf ears!"

"Pink knife!"

"Lonely bastard!"

"Obnoxious kid!"

"Bad little boy!"

"Good little girl!"

With that, Marshall Lee's cold, dead hands had Fionna's forearms in a vice grip, and his lips were smothering hers. Fionna's gasp was muffled as he pulled her flush against him. His fangs pressed against her lips. Fionna didn't dare move lest they tear apart her face. The human could feel her own heart beat furiously in her chest, but nothing echoed from Marshall Lee's chest. She wondered for a moment how a heartless being like him could even like her if he had no pulsating sensations to prove it.

A few moments later, he untangled himself from her, letting go of her. Fionna looked into his soulless, dead eyes and blinked. Marshall Lee cleared his throat and stepped back awkwardly, once again floating easily. The human was the first to speak, "Marsh…I…"

The male cut her off, "You feeling better yet, Fi?"

Fionna had forgotten her tiredness, and her frustrations from earlier. What had she been trying to do? Oh, yes. Learn a new and complicated sword technique from before the Mushroom War. But none of that mattered anymore. The demon-vampire silently sailing through the room was the only thing that she cared about now.

"Yeah, I feel a lot better," she replied, "Thanks."

Marshall Lee shrugged, rolling his eyes as he said, "Whatever. I know you _ladies_ sometimes need to yell about your frustrations and all. I just hated listening to your bull shit all day."

The human wanted to retort something nasty, but her hard feelings melted away to amusement. As the vampire slowly hovered out of a window, she called out, "Thanks, Marsh!"

She was answered with a half-hearted, lazy wave, and then he was out of her sight. She sighed, her heart rate returning back to normal. She stood quietly in the house for a moment, before bursting into giggles.

"_Demon-y vampire-ness?" _She chuckled uncontrollably_, "_What the math was I thinking?"


End file.
